If you made the decision to divorce, the most basic that you can make for own kids in this case, – to tell them about it before you absolutely will part. It is heavy to explain to children that their father will not divide any more with them a breakfast and to play in the evenings, but they, on the last measure, will estimate your honesty and that you care of their interests and reaction to such state of affairs. For this purpose, truly to build future conversation, it is necessary to consider basic details. What it is concrete – the South American writer and house psychologist Sandra Bleyksli knows.
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Age of the kid
The kids are more senior – the more time is necessary for them on preparation for divorce of parents. To the kid, age till 5 years to say about it it is better in a day or two before you will part. Week is necessary to the child of school age to ponder and make the decision of parents. Actually always it is useful to the child (the advanced school age) the whole month as at this age communication both with mother, and with the father in particular is rather small and frank. More time is necessary for it to have a talk about it with the most close friend, to realize, as it influences his subsequent life and plans.
What, if the spouse/spouse in a flash sued for divorce? Usually this conversation throw on the initiator of a gap, and it in turn tries to acquit itself(himself) in eyes of the kid to extenuate the fault, заместо that аккуратненько to explain a situation. The kid in that case feels diffused and scared, having heard bad words about own parent.
Bleyksli in one of own books writes that both parents should begin conversation not to look for guilty that completely it is not necessary to the child, and to explain that so all become even happier. At first, you should ask forgiveness for own child and promise that though what of you will always be near, when to be useful to it the parental care.
What to tell?
Do not begin conversation in the evening, before going to bed – night will be sleepless and tyazhelenny for it. The best time – after a dinner, at this time days the child is more weakened and "more softly" accepts any information. Dialogue should take place in the peace course – do not turn the explanations into quarrel, a showdown, searches guilty and swear words in адресок the friend to the friend. He should not know this party of divorce.
It at us, at adults, parting causes opposite feelings, it is necessary for children to explain the concept "divorce" from the quite good party: as mutual process, the correct, peace decision which will cause only suitable consequences.
Plan conversation according to own operating schedule: it should not pass before your long-term business trip or strong employment on work. the 1st time for the child are necessary a number both of the parent that he did not feel thrown or forgotten.
Divorce, without hesitation, one of basic changes in life of parents and kids, and excessive will not be, if you lead not one, and some conversations with the child. Sandra Bleyksli advises to adhere to 6 "keys" in dialogue of parents and kids that the child made the decision of adults easier:
Explain that you heartily adored and with bolshushchy respect treated to each other. So to the child will not seem that the family in what he grew, is based on a rage and indifference.
His fault divorced is not present parents, having supported this belief with obvious examples, such, as: "We disperse, not as you showed disobedience last week" or "We leave not because of your bad marks at school".
Ask the kid that he assumes under the word "divorce". You very much are surprised to its answer.
Despite of that the father and mother live in various houses, you remain as before loving and zealous parents.
Do not condemn the spouse/wife and do not incriminate in the happened. Explain to the child that you remain quite good friends, and will support the friend to the friend.
To the child at teenage age tell, what not all affairs come to the end with divorce. It by all means will meet and will fall in love with the correct person with whom it will be rather happy.