It is better to warn to a meeting. Free affairs and free sex – absolutely not same. The term «the free relations» is invented from egoism and for convenience. It is used in a counterbalance to the family relations. Hinting that where there is a stamp in the passport, raznopoly ancestors and their kids, no speech about freedom can be. Another matter free affairs – it is connected by nothing, should nobody. It is fascinating to nobody.
Every year them becomes more. Infantile self-satisfied boys who never will mature. They say to naive girls about freedom, meaning disorder of sexy communications appropriate to animals. The sun ascends and enters in its trousers. Closer to forty masks a lysinka and diligently pulls in a tummy, getting into youth trousers. Having read Alex Lesley, represents itself an alpha male, depicts the successes in LJ. And all this only for this purpose not to look to the truth in eyes. And the truth that it never becomes adults. Also will not meet the lady whom would manage to call the own.
I on for you never marry
Sherry Argov in the book «The stinker marries» gives fascinating dialogue. Pair meets already half a year. They have supper at restaurant, and the young man says: «It seems to me, I am yet ready to the fierce relations. And you? You want to marry?» The lady did not become puzzled: «On the last measure, not at present. My dress in a dry-cleaner, and in the afternoon I must get up early. But I am flattered that you asked». Soon he already told this history on wedding.
Marriage costs on the 3rd whales: means, kids and sex. Naturally, still there is a care, love, emotional partnership, slackness and misunderstanding, material difficulties and relatives. But three bases are invariable: sex from which there are kids; kids who do pair by family; and means which overwork for a family. In «the free relations» from whales one survives – sex. Perhaps it concerns freedom, but the relations it heavy to call. The scheme comfortable for irresponsible young men. Such communications are preferred by never-ending boys and married men who feed up mistresses hysterical stories about the wife shrew.
Still there are adult people divorced. Usually, they do not believe in that here and there is a person who will help out them own love. They consider themselves unpromising. Their future already in a past. Raise kids or grandsons, hold the apartments, actual way and pretend to be satisfied, but we do not take them into account. They huge and will understand. Prefer affairs without moral duties as another’s difficulties are not necessary for them, – own it is enough. Zamesto of that to solve the difficulties, lovingly them grow up, as a bacterium in Petri’s cup, and frighten off this substance though what hint on ordinary affairs. Entice sexy parasites. Leave without serious consequences when the actual situation asks roles, the help and spiritual or material heat.
Who dictates rules
Any affairs are kept control by the one than whom they it is less тревожут. One establishes rules, (another) them perceives another. Usually the 2nd partner is enamoured and makes concessions, hoping that eventually affairs will develop into the severe. (Than on another to explain idiocy of a situation when two persons having desire and mutual enthusiasm, beforehand agree that will sleep in common, but not to adore.) The credulous pretender promptly makes all probable mistakes, becomes readily available, irritating, pokes the nose into other people’s affairs and everything spoils. And truly does, by the way. If the man (or the lady) at a raneshny stage of the relations proclaims "freedom", to that is some events.
He is afraid of responsibility. It is normal, her all men fear. Perhaps, these words it calls the period when pair meets, looking narrowly to the friend at the friend. And as the diligent person, cannot give guarantees that business will come to the end with a marriage. So nobody can give it, including after a marriage. If «the free relations» – not a printsipny position, and its vision of the relations on this step, it is possible to master it.
He left not so long ago. If the person endured not so long ago difficulties of parting, most likely, is not ready to the new relations and is going to expose a protective barrier. Time and possibility to thaw is necessary for it. To predict succession of events it is heavy. Perhaps, it will depart from a trauma and becomes other person. In it lines of temper which were oppressed by a gloomy condition will be shown. It is in any case unpleasant to consider that you use to forget former love. All the same, the five for honesty. To men such oploshka are pardonable, to ladies – never.
He is afraid to change the life. Or he is afraid to change the relation to life. The person with the deformed childhood, incorrect values or low self-image. Perhaps, over it a certain magic duty, for example, parent love or compliance to expectations of parents hangs. Young people are released from chance of independent life, valuing house, ordinary and familiar existence. The private obligation not to change with such work the arranged life and an ordinary order of things.
It contemplates that there is a hunting for a male. The nice lady, a varnish under color of a handbag, in a plate two olives and a lettuce leaf. Ms. Perfection also I Wish In marriage. The man estimate as a cow at fair, disturbing hand bells from everywhere ring. Run, run from here. It will occupy defense and will start to plan retreat. Will run away after will oversleep, or in few months. As the lady starts talking about the severe relations, to dictate conditions there begins the man. The lady should hide the intentions, on other man will seem that it is afflicted with thought of marriage, instead of is enamoured of him.
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All options are surmountable. A question in what price. It is necessary to the maiden to spend a part of own life, 10 years to expect the offer and to play by another’s rules if it is possible to test to establish the requirements. Not by all means to find out affairs and to press on the man, forcing resolute acts. Not by all means to solve another’s mental difficulties. It is possible truly and to allow surely to realize that you expect, but about it we will have a talk another time.
To enter or not to enter?
At young maidens are two preconditions for so called free relations – the main and others. The main: to lull attentiveness and to test to make of the little boy of the spouse. Others: the lady is quite lazy to change the life; or considers itself unworthy the best business; does not contemplate in the man of other pluses, not including the sexy; does not trust this man etc. For such ladies remove TV series in what is not present the 1st married character, and write articles about utility and pluses of the free relations in what founders avoid the words "love" and "happiness" and use terminology of the beginning lawyer-gynecologist. Though the title «unpromising communication» reflects essence better.
Thought-up pluses are known for everything. For example, there is a sexy partner. Surely, here to eat than be proud. But find though one very young lady who will be enough sex without flowers, candies, phone calls, spiritual conversation or walks in park? Without words about love …
There are no material duties. Than not plus? In particular for the maiden it is necessary for them to pay for the apartment, the refrigerator or reduction on work broke. In other words sex with it is by rules, and means to give – situation off side. From girlfriends let takes. Here it as a real man, more free does not happen.
There are no moral duties. Precisely plus! Into ordinary language it is translated approximately so: «If I decide to leave, I will make it without explanations. If you become pregnant, I will disappear. If you lie in policlinic, let oranges for you are carried by Santa Claus. To me to sneeze on your difficulties. I anything for you should not. What I made – I will be not not tortured by conscience». As it everything is supposed, but is not said, periodically the lady finishes itself a philosophical question: we had that quite good sex how it could to arrive so? It seems, it pulls on the whole three pluses.
There are no events for quarrels. It is natural, if people live separately and meet only a night, it not that what to quarrel, say there is nothing. There is no partnership in life of other person. If the lady pines with sensual emptiness, let descends in cafe with girlfriends, and it is even better in a social network, and there will be uttered. What quarrels? It is sensitive that – sending off the field. Not by rules it was played. All pluses of the free relations can be reduced to one phrase: «Nothing connects you».
Such the relation are short-lived. Attempt to preserve affairs to anything will not lead. They do not develop, though the expiration date canned food can be long. During some moment the most reasonable of partners will change a situation or will provoke a certain explosion. Here it is real plus. That to participants of experience the common sense, personal interests and self-esteem can come back.
Still there is a cliche «not it is necessary to erase socks», which too plus. Certainly, it is a rudimentary form of speech from a series «to hammer a nail into a wall», «to submit a water glass on an old age of years». It is applied to intimidation of girls by a domestic tyranny. A past remnant, in particular after the invention of washing machines and microwaves. Not including that, at present in a trend of the man which prepare. And at them perfectly leaves.
If all of you still think of beauty of the free relations, in other words an ordinary method to be caused. Set for itself two questions of principle "What for?" and «Why and is not present?» The answer to the 1st will protect from disappointments, the answer to the 2nd will show that you are ready to risk.
Ordinary rules of protection
(councils from Sherry Argov, read absolutely in the book «The stinker marries»)
When you do not descend from reason after sex and continue to conduct the life, the man starts to treat you on another. He will want to fix affairs.
If the man does not receive from you guarantees and considers that you can in though what moment it to throw, he will try to pass to the fierce relations.
The man interests not, whether he will manage to drag the lady in a bed, and whether it can cause and keep her enthusiasm.
Behave as if it is not so necessary to you. Then he will try to prove that in fact it is better, than you think.
If he saw that you wish in marriage, he will try to be washed away. If it does not guess, that you wish, it will think over mutual duties.
Be not very frank, irritating and available. The man does not give in to coercion and blackmail. He should feel that itself perceives the decision.
That the man dozes with you, does not mean yet that he loves you. Quite good sex will not force it to adore you.
When the lady very much tries, the man, usually, starts to test it: how far it can come?
For the man there is nothing more krasovy, than the lady owning feeling own pluses and pride of.