Awkward age: 1st love

Awkward age: 1st love

At children’s age the behavior of the kid is in dependence from parents. It they, allowing, encouraging or forbidding, teach to the kid the 1st models of behavior. At school negative experience accumulates – troubles and inability them to accept, heresy and the conflicts, equalization and a formalistic approach. It is impossible to tell that it is healthy for mentality, but temper tempers. And, it is necessary, specifically during this period when the kid is visited for the first time by sublime feeling, physiological reorganization, hormonal splashes falls down it, there are acute angles of temper – and all this against unbalanced mentality. Poor, poor ancestors …

Couple of words about happiness to be the child. On view of professionals, the violations of the behavior connected with very expressed lines of temper, achieve own peak specifically at teenage and youthful age. Ordinary, apparently, the child starts to behave, as the psychopath, snaps, closed in a room, dyes hair in pigeons, drinks parental whisky, is dissatisfied with world order and criticizes your values. What do ancestors do? They say: «At the kid temper deteriorated. He is any more that darling, as earlier. Well. It is awkward age, we will wait». Put on a helmet and lie for some years on a trench bottom that the tank did not move.

Leave me alone

The matter is that temper at the kid does not spoil, and eventually it develops. It is formed of heredity, internal, earlier not shown characteristics, the character strengthened by hormones. Now it will define acts of the person. Zamesto children’s "should" at the kid arises I "want". The oddish behavior transfers in house space: «I am I!» also clears away a place for the latest personality. To years to 20 very shown, so called aktsentuirovanny, lines will smooth out, will mask or, maybe, reincarnated in pluses. And at present the child tries on on itself a bear skin of a maturity, and, seemingly, to it not so in it is comfortable. It is easier to accept promptly changing body, than uncontrollability of reactions, emotions with which is unreal to consult, anger and three times uncertainty in itself. As one business – наргубиянить to parents, and absolutely another – though what price to catch authority in the middle of contemporaries or sympathy of the pleasant girl or the little boy.

It very nervous

The mentality of the kid лабильна, in other words is unstable, floatingly. This is the man of moods. In certain sensual lability is expressed to degree at all teenagers. The main line of labile type – sharp differences of mood. Opposite news, the fleeting remark, bad weather can deprive of it mood. At the same time the kind word, the interested look, a sincere compliment can cheer up or distract from gloomy thoughts. There is not enough of that the mood changes 100 times a day, besides experiences become very strong. Let’s add to it love. At a usual deal the sea becomes knee-deep, study on a side, euphoria, happiness. It is necessary to object of love to show an inattention or roughness, the vulnerable and acute child loses a dream, appetite, enthusiasm to study, sends parents, retires into himself/herself. The depression, neurotic failure, suicide attempt is not excluded. If on a share of parents the hysterics drops out – consider, simply got out. You can offer only patience, love and pleasant signs of attention.

Cognitive discord

The South American City institute of psychological health in 2010 ended longityudny (long and systematic) research which established that the brain of the person becomes mature only by 25 years, and periodically and later. At tender age cognitive possibilities are still very far from final development. In the facilitated option "cognitive" means the informative. In other words lack of harmony at a zaniye, or discrepancy found to the expected.

The girl of the Russian classics will read and will begin to endow itself, raskolnikovy to be sorry, to Siberia to go. To be sorry and endow – in Russian love synonyms. Shame, suffering, drama, death. Simply got out Tatyana and Onegin, but, not запамятовывайте, it is given another. The Ukrainian textbook – Ekaterina, Maroussia Churay, Mavka … Though biographies of classics are far from the sung standard. The romance novel with a happy end or the easy Hollywood film is more useful to mentality. Where still the child receives knowledge about the first love? Always nearby ancestors, but unless it is an example? What can they tell about the first love? There are friends, schoolmates, celebrities – and at everyone the history. Essentially to be itself and not to associate personal experience with another’s principles and book inventions. Generally, the you expect less, the you are disappointed less.

Successful and bad

Who invented these epithets? The successful love is on all life, which how in a parable, came to the end with a marriage? And bad is it seems and not love, and so, a nedolyublennost? In the world there are a lot of optimistical examples. Vanessa Paradis divorced from Johnny Depp and to a meeting got prettier. Beautiful Demi Moore and Asheton Kutcher not so in common. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes … Gwyneth Paltrow met earlier Brad Pete, and Jennifer Aniston descended for it in marriage. It is less than drama – more life. Yes, the kid has a painful perception, but he in a condition to realize that affairs of two not always develop at will and desire of the 1st person.

It is stupid to be tormented with a question, whether there was a love and love it was. There were feelings and the person with whom it sympathized. It is possible to keep excellent affairs, to delete the villain from own life, but under no circumstances it is impossible to do a projection to the future of the first experience. Ancestors should realize, can listen, but should not give advice and estimates, type «means, she did not love you», «will find 10 more such», «it never was pleasant to me», «you повинет that you expected at such relation». Stay the psychotherapist. It is possible to nod, low, assent, but let’s to the person be uttered and most to come to a conclusion.

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Mother realizes everything

Many ancestors would not behold the first love if it is not reflected in study and business would do without sex. Statistically maturing at modern teenagers occurs for two-three years earlier, than at their parents. But after all the 1st love not always with the sign "minus". It can become strong motivation for receipt in quite good institute. If the child acquires what to strive on the future it is necessary already at present. Can become incentive for sports activities or visit of developing courses.

How to promote the child to master a bad consequence of unrequited or last love? The same as you help for yourselves. Mothers, admit, what it is necessary to make? The latest hairdress, cosmetics, dresses, trips, memoirs – everything that can amuse the person who lost taste to life. Salutary force of conversation is not all-powerful. And if the young man finds at itself in a room new phone, will acquire – you worry about it and in own way, let is clumsy, try to support. In particular it is pleasant, when the child closed and not so talkative.

What to do to parents

It is heavy to child to cope with the emotions. Much more difficultly, than to parents. Even if very much hunting to get to it in soul, do not do it. If you very clever person, it is impossible to mock or play a trick on his emotions. In – 1-x to deride another’s feelings improperly. In – 2-x, the child cannot correctly answer. In – 3-x, the 1st love is nevertheless seriously. It feelings, force and which traumatic effect ancestors to estimate unable. Communicate with the child as equals, without inhibiting his desire, well and without indulging of.

Do not push the kid to conclusions or decisions if it had a quarrel. Le
t everything takes its course. Can give more means – on cinema, cafe or a beloved gift. Do not discuss object of hobby and the fact of love with foreign or by phone. To you voobshchy not by all means to have outlook about it. If the child told that excites him, under no circumstances do not use recognition against it later. Will tell: «It is necessary to do lessons, instead of on a shop to kiss», – and the child will never trust you more. Simply behave, as the senior friend who will not ask the excessive and in failure will not throw.

These words from psychiatry area – aktsentuatsiya, lability and a kognitivnost – depict formation at the kid of temper, mentality and brain activity – that will define late his behavior in the relations with other people. At kids with steady mentality and the correct standards of behavior the 1st love can not throw bad memoirs, and eventually all memoirs even opposite, become quite good. At psychologists it is called «a pink retrospektsiya» or «the cloudless past». Last acts are perceived as more pleasant on comparison to how they were perceived when occurred.

Outstanding psychologist Frederick Perlz, the founder of a geshtaltterapiya said: «I live in this world not for this purpose to correspond to your expectations. And you live in this world not for this purpose to correspond to my expectations». If ancestors could to belong so to each other if they so concerned the children, to anybody from us in the head would not come to be arranged under expectations of other people, to test sense of guilt, to project on someone the expectations, including love.

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