Eagerness to be pleasant to the young person often leads to return result. There is a situation when the lady for it did everything, and he ran away. World-wide recognizable professional in branch of the interpersonal relations Barbara de Angelis, the founder of books on psychology, knows about what mistakes make the ladies more quite often and whether it is possible to avoid them. So, that cannot be done, even if you are enamoured?
To behave, as mother
If you povsevremenno sponsor the man («You did not forget to have breakfast?», «Where you put documents?», «You will not freeze in these clothes?», «You remember, what we go on a visit?»), you behave so, as if near you the ailing child. And he starts to behave as the small boy. If you assume that it is not capable to independent actions, it such and will be. The desire to strive on the loved person is normal, but between care and parent guardianship there is a difference. It is not necessary to do заместо men that it in a condition to make itself (to look for keys, socks, to correct a tie), to lead, expose in an incorrectness, povsevremenno to direct and correct. As you – not his mother, and the lady on whom he would wish to strive itself, your behavior will irritate him, he will start to feel bad and will stop to show an initiative. Do not interfere with affairs of the man – then his self-image rises.
To put itself on the 2nd place
That without noticing, ladies endow the interests and hobbies. For example, the young man derided your musical tastes, hobby for yoga or dances. The lady starts to correct itself and to divide interests of the man – to read a fantasy, to go to campaigns, to play strelyalka, to listen to fate, is released from meetings with starenky girlfriends or relatives. Think, if you shared his hobbies, you will become closer? Simply refusing own interests, you provide to the man complete control over yourselves. Only uncertain in itself the person will criticize hobbies and acquaintances of the maiden to deprive of her support of close people. Receiving less encouragement and love from own former friends, you get to dependence on own man. Wish to become the lady of his dream and to deserve it love? Be true for itself. Do not sacrifice itself, do not allow to depreciate that to you is expensive.
To fall in love with potential abilities of the man
Ladies are ready on actually everything to reveal in the man its best properties. It is not lucky, it underestimate, pay not enough and maintain. But if to put in it your forces, energy and to show that you believe in him, this brilliant will begin to sparkle all sides. If ladies put in the career as much forces, how many they spend for promotion of own young men, all basic positions could be long since occupied by ladies. It is not necessary to help the person who does not wish to promote for itself. To the person, which itself does not respect, your respect is not necessary. Love the man such what it is, instead of such what it could become. Spend the forces for the affairs, be not released for own pleasures, rescuing «the good person». Eventually, find the man who will be responsible for the acts and to try to succeed, without waiting, while you will make his work for it.
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To hide the pluses
Ladies hide the talents, possibilities, reason not to frighten the man and not to shake his confidence in themselves. Take the fault for any small mistake («I forgot – I always forget everything and I confuse», «It is surprising that the pie left tasty, usually I badly prepare», «In it is not present my award, I everything did according to the instruction»). They belittle the awards, protest and refuse, when hear a compliment, and even are released from work not to hold more the highest position, than the man. Hide the successes to make at the man feeling pluses. Do not hide the talents. The ordinary man will be glad for you as the person who aspires to success, recognizes these properties in others. Men adore assured in themselves, the brightest and nice ladies.
Voluntary to submit
If you allow to address with yourselves how would not wish, that someone addressed with your daughter, do not protect the advantage, povsevremenno are afraid to cause disapproval of the workmate, receive less love and attention, than deserve – means, you accepted a martyrdom for the sake of the relations. Allowing it is bad to address with itself, you lower the self-image. Stop to bear the disrespectful relation. Moreover, stop to answer with tenderness and love insolent behavior. Do not find justifications to the person who aspires to humiliate or subordinate you. «To keep the advantage in the relations with the man – does not mean to suppress own workmate. It means to treat to for itself with love and respect that will surely cause in the man the same relation to you», – Barbara de Angelis considers.
To behave, as the small girl
Lovely dodge: to behave, as the small girl that something to receive (all the same that – compassion, a fur coat, council). A role-playing game in the father and the daughter. Such behavior increases self-image of the man, he feels the advantage, and the lady proves as sensually undeveloped person. Pouts, when tests anger. Pouts, when her offend. Is silent, when it is necessary to give vent to feelings. Complains, when it is necessary to draw conclusions. Sobs, as nobody loves it. Pretends to be diffused when it is necessary to tell to the partner that he behaves bestially. Such ailing that only the man can rescue and solve it difficulties. Do not pretend to be that cannot understand own emotions. In fact you hide them – completely realized and adult anger, rage, horror, hatred. Only the small girl always calls to the aid the man, and the lady and in own emotions, and is capable to understand own affairs.
Founder: Natalia Kalinichenko